Drifting

I'm struggling with something, and I don't know how to talk about it. Normally, I would call my best friend to brain storm with her about my problems. But, I can't. You see, the problem is about her. And I just don't know how to talk to her about it.


I feel like we're drifting apart. And I don't know why. I'm afraid I may have unknowingly said or done something to offend her. She's been there for me through so many of my issues, listened to me whine about my problems, and I've been there for her. At least I'd like to think so. I'm worried that maybe I haven't been as good a friend and I thought I was.


And I've told myself all of the reasons I can think of why it's all in my head. That we're not really drifting apart. She's been neck deep in this huge project that she's taken on. She's had some family issues. I know she's stressed and busy. And I shouldn't expect her to take time out of her busy day to pay attention to me. And normally I'm not a jealous person. At all. I understand people have their lives to live, and families, and stuff.


But, I have this pit in my stomach. Deep down, I know there's a rift between us, I just can't seem to put my finger on it. She has been spending a lot of time with a mutual friend of ours. Normally I wouldn't care at all about that. But, somehow, I feel like I've been replaced. When I call her, she doesn't have time to talk. When I offer to help her, she doesn't really have an answer for me. She has stopped calling me. When I call her, she puts me off.


I've thought about bringing it up with her. But, the last thing she needs right now is more drama. So, I'm keeping my doubts to myself.


I am heart broken, and I don't know what to do.

Dare to Dream?

I know its been 4 months since I last posted. I guess I've been sleeping peacefully...or just too stinking busy to write about anything.

But last night, I had this dream. I'm kinda of scared to put it out here, but sometimes you just have to get stuff off your chest, ya know? I'm sure it means nothing. Positive. Really, really.

Ok, here goes.

Last night, I was in the midst of a perfect and wonderful erotic dream about my super hot hubby, when suddenly, in enters one of my really good girlfriends, who then proceeds to join in on our naughty rendezvous. I'll spare you the details, but it got pretty steamy, to say the least.

Where on earth did that come from? I have to say, I'm pretty mortified. No, mortified is an understatement. I'm totally and completely weirded out!

Let me just say this. I am a completely straight-man-loving-never-be-a-lesbian-in-a-million-years type of girl. So, why on earth would my subconscious present me with a dream like that?

Why? whywhywhywhywhywhy?!!

p.s. if I ever told my husband about this dream, which, by the way, I never will, he would totally LOVE it! What is it about men and threesome fantasies?

Dream a Little Dream, part Dos

My subconscious has a very active imagination. I have very vivid, realistic dreams. And I usually remember them. Well, most of them...or at least wake up with very strong emotions from whatever was happening in my dream.

Maybe I'll start a dream journal on here, and you can all psycho-analyze me.

So, for the past few nights, I've had different variations of the same recurring dream. I dreamt that my husband decided he didn't love me anymore, and left me to be with somebody else. Each night, the dream was slightly different, but the theme was the same. And each night, I was devastated. And then panic set in. Panic at the thought that I might actually have to be alone.

I remember a thought occurring to me in the dream along the lines of, "Who am I going to be with now?"

And my own personal analysis? There's some truth to it. Not the part where my husband leaves me (I hope), but the part that I am afraid to be alone.

I am a very social person. I need people. And as long as I can remember, I always had a boyfriend. Always. I was once accused by a girlfriend in high school that all of my boyfriends overlapped. And as much as I hate to admit it, its kinda true. I even dumped a guy after I met my hubby.

I couldn't live without my girlfriends either. I have to talk about everything I go through.

Take away my people, and I am nothing but the shell of a woman, who happens to be devastatingly beautiful, have a wicked awesome sense of humor, and a sparkling personality.

Hey, I never said, I was afraid to be with myself!

Where, oh where has my little June gone?

I have been...well...distracted. By, you know, life and stuff.

When I first started this blog, I was having what I guess I would call a bad marriage moment. We all have them, don't you go telling me you don't, but everyone does. If you think you don't you're lying to yourself. Everyone has problems. It is how we choose to react to those problems that defines our character.

In the fall, my husband travels. A lot! And it's hard, you know. And while he's gone, I get lonely, then sad, then totally and completely PISSED OFF!

Well, he's been home now for a month. And I haven't been blogging because I have been basking in wedded bliss. Now, I'm totally madly in love with my husband, and of course with Santa's elves peeking in the windows at any given moment, my children are perfect little angels, and I'm totally in love with them!

For now.

My husband leaves again next Tuesday. I know, right before Christmas! Well, of course it's college football bowl game time, so he HAS to actually GO to the games. I even offered to throw a giant man party, and have all of his stinky buddies over to watch the games, but NO. He has to GO to the games. So, we'll see how I feel about him next week.

And of course, by next Friday afternoon, after the munchkins score all of their loot, they'll turn back into rotten, good for nothing, spoiled brats. So, we'll see how I feel about them after that.

But for now, I'm blissfully happy, enjoying the holidays, and I just wanted to write a token, happy, post, to let you know I'm still alive.

Merry Christmas!

THE Talk.

Oh yes, THE Talk. You know the one. The one where you have to tell your precious not so little baby about S. E. X.

Well, I had to have it with my 8 year old the other day. I've been thinking she's about the right age for a while now, but have never found the "right time."

Then, the other day, being the super awesome parent that I am, I was sitting in the family room watching TV. And she came in to watch with me. I really should've turned it off, but I didn't. You forget how open and spongy their little minds are.
And you know, there are a lot of sitcoms out there, that really do teeter on the line of being porn. Seriously. I totally love them!

But not for my kids.

So, I was watching "Two and a Half Men" which is like the epitome of sexual sitcoms on television today, and of course Charlie was talking to his girlfriend of the hour about having sex. And I forgot my sweet, innocent baby was sitting next to me.

Suddenly, she blurts out, "Mommy, do you and Daddy have sex?"

Well, if they ain't the perfect opportunity to have "the talk" and I don't take it, then shoot me!
So, I turned off the TV, turned to her, and asked, "Honey, do you know what Sex means?"

Turning red, she looked down and shook her head, slowly.
"Do you want me to tell you?" I asked.
"I guess," she replied, with an embarrassed grin.

Then, I proceeded to describe to her about body parts, and making babies. Of course, I had to throw in that it's a special thing that only happens between married people, a necessary disclaimer.

Her eyes widened in horror. I asked if she had any questions, and she sighed and said, "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I'm afraid I've scarred her for life.

So, tell me, have you had to give the talk to your kids yet? How did it go?

Post Secret

I've been spending a lot of time lately, reading Post Secret.

What is it about that blog? It sucks you in. Other people's secrets are so intriguing. It either makes you feel like your not alone, and that other people are going through the same thing you are, or you realize that it's really not that bad. Somebody else has it worse than you do.

I have a few secrets of my own. And since this blog is supposed to be my safe haven, I feel no qualms about sharing them here. Yeah, they might seem lame and small, but anything you don't feel comfortable sharing openly to the people in your life is a secret.

My husband is out of town. Again. He travels alot for work. And I whine and complain at him that I don't want him to go. But, secretly, deep down, I like it when he's gone. I like that I get a few days to completely let myself and the house go. I didn't do a damn thing today. I didn't shower. I didn't put on a bra. I'm still in my pajamas from last night. I have dried mascara caked under my eyes. I didn't brush my teeth. My laundry is piled to the ceiling, my dishes are stacked sky high. My kids dressed themselves today, and have been walking around with rats nests and yesterday's ice cream on their faces.

And I. Don't. Care!

There, I said it. I don't give a rat's red ass if my house is a disaster area, if you can smell me from a block away, or if my children are running down the street buck naked and screaming.

Obviously, the man in my life is the glue that keeps me and my sanity together. His expectations and standards keep the family going and staying "normal." He cares what the neighbors think of us.

It's very liberating to me to get a little break from our image and cut loose.

What's more?

I fantasize about being a completely different person. I single, younger, skinner version of me with big, perky breasts and no pooches or stretch marks, no crows feet or smile lines. And all the hot guys want me. I fantasize about different romantic encounters (like with Jason Bateman, for instance).

And I wanna know. Is this normal? Am I completely emotionally cheating on my husband? Or do other women fantasize about what could've been, too?

So, do you have a secret?

Please share! (anonymous comments welcome on this one!)

Excuses, excuses

Pardon my absence.

I've been busy with sick babies, birthdays, making really shoddy High School Musical cakes for my 8 year old because I'm too proud to actual purchase one, and wiping snot and vomit from all over my children and home.

I'll be back to normal, hopefully, next week.